my friend ran over my mailbox

my dad is going to murder me for something i didn’t even do fhgjfgdfhgjfhjfghfds


Tinder can calm down


Tinder can calm down


natures vaginas

imma fuck the world

(via tgodxmike)




what did marilyn monroe do besides being a wholesale jump off for yall to be worshiping her

^ first of she represented every girls who has girls and uplifted girls self esteem.. do your research before you criticize anybody!

how u say first off and then only say one thing

(via questl0ve)

(via suckit3asy)

freihofer’s (a local bread and cookie company) has a truck that comes to the hospital i work at.

so today my coworker ebon and i conned the freihofer’s guy into giving us free cupcakes.

we were like DOES ANYTHING EVER FALL OFF THE TRUCK?! (if a box is broken they’re not allowed to sell it) and he’s like YEAH I GOT SOME SHIT BUT YOU’RE NOT GETTING IT, I’M NOT GETTING FIRED. and we’re like WTF WHO’LL KNOW?! “there are cameras man” NOBODY IS WATCHING THAT SHIT PEOPLE DO WAY WORSE IN HERE

and we continued convincing him

so eventually he just takes out a bunch of cupcakes and gives them to us, and stashes some away himself.


remember when this was all just for album promotion lmao

(via burtreynoldsmustache)

Alright ft. Big Sean

new big sean verse, fuck everything else today

(via fedswatching)

A woman pushed her daughter into me as i passed them in the hallway at work today.
Could someone actually have thought I was attractive? Stay tuned!!!!!

Guy at work thought that erections had the blood flowing from the legs.
So he thought that if someone had a leg issue they wouldn’t be able to get a boner lmao

Playing with the employee database

Playing with the employee database

personally i just think nobody wants me because i’m simply not attractive enough


You are so fucking desperate to be with anyone and that is exactly why NO ONE wants you.

it feels like i’m a born again virgin

it’s been a year since i’ve last had sex

so i lost my virginity, and then immediately have a dry dick for over 365 days